I contain Multitudes
I’m of two minds. One part of me wants to wrap up this blog and hit publish. Another part wants to indulge in every imaginable distraction to avoid writing.
While labels can be a drag, they can be beneficial when breaking old patterns.
I recently took an assessment called Inner Team Dialogue, which revealed the various "characters" within me, each with its distinct personality and view on what I should or shouldn’t do. My ‘Pusher’ wants me to ship this now, while my ‘Being’ urges me to chill and let this newsletter marinate for a while, perhaps even write itself (and in the not-too-distant future, my AI avatar might do just this).
Indeed, my ‘Pusher’ has teamed up with ‘Responsible’ and faces a bout against a new alliance of ‘Being’ and ‘Playful.’ None of these parts are inherently bad—yet whomever I listen to undoubtedly affects my behavior. By recognizing and nurturing each of these parts, I can create a more functional and cohesive self through my ‘Inner Leader’.
We all contain a multitude of selves. I wonder if Walt Whitman, who penned ‘Song of Myself’ in the mid-19th century, would be surprised by the rise in popularity of parts work therapy. His infamous verse from the poem caught even more fire during the juxtapositions felt during the pandemic:
Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)
The line reminds us that our contradictions are not flaws but integral parts of our rich, diverse identities. The danger, of course, lies in using this rationale to justify inconsistencies, bad behavior, or being full of shit.
According to Joanna Nadin, author of "The Future of the Self," our identities are both mutable and multiple—constantly changing and influenced by those around us. We curate our personas online, experimenting with different aspects of our identities. This 'playable self' allows us to test out different identities to see what fits. It’s fun and freeing, Nadin declares.
An adaptable identity is designed to fit various contexts and expectations, allowing us to see things from multiple viewpoints. While this may sound exhausting, it holds some truth.
Discerning Our Inner Voices
James Hollis, a Jungian psychoanalyst, might agree with Nadin. He speaks of the divided nature of our psyche, suggesting that the human mind is not a single, unified entity but a collection of voices, each vying for attention and expression. While this inner cacophony can be overwhelming, understanding it is humbling and essential for finding our true selves.
Hollis writes, “When voices inside can no longer be ignored, we really have to try to track these symptoms and ask, ‘What is wishing further expression in me? What is neglected or repressed or split off or cut off? What is that wishes an audience with me?’”
This individuation process is the most rewarding journey we can undertake.
Inner Team Dialogue
The Inner Team Dialogue approach to coaching, which borrows from Internal Family Systems (IFS) developed by Richard Schwartz in the 90s, recognizes that we have different “parts” within us, each with its own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. This method provides a compassionate and intuitive way of understanding the tensions that reside inside.
Think of yourself as the chief conductor, observing and harnessing the various characters to play in harmony like a big brass band. When you strike that balance, there is clarity and coherence.
And if you’ve ever thought that perhaps you have a split personality—rest assured, that’s unlikely. Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) affects about 1% of the general population and is an awful condition where the rooms in your ‘house’ are locked and don’t know the others exist. Dissociation is often a mechanism to block out trauma and cope with daily life. Your myriad selves don’t operate in concert but through exhaustive and meandering solos.
Unlike DID, with our 'multiplicity' of selves, it's more like an open-plan arrangement. When each of your characters plays the right instrument in the band, you get improved emotional regulation and a sense of well-being.
The Narcissistic Self
Fun fact: in England, people take about 500 selfies a year (with my excellent math skills - that averages more than one a day). We talk about ourselves 30-40 percent of the time in a typical conversation while on social media, this rises to 80 percent.
Self-reference fuelled by the digital era can be a mechanism for narcissism or a way to gain a deeper understanding of yourself. It can feed the ego or the soul—and probably does both.
Nadin exclaims that narcissism has become, “A lazy catch-all phrase for anyone who displays the single quality often needed to succeed—self-belief.” She believes that multiplicity is a natural adaption to our connected world. The digital landscape provides a playpen to navigate and flex our multiple selves— it’s just that we need to attune the right self to the right situation.
And if that doesn’t work you can always adopt an alter ego! It works wonders for Beyonce and Adele sporting Sasha Fierce and Sasha Carter respectively. The alias supplies them with the space and strength to consistently deliver powerful performances.
Pulling the Parts Together
In a world that often demands consistency and clarity, embracing the richness within us can be a radical act of self-compassion. In understanding and integrating the different aspects of ourselves, we become more resilient, adaptable, and truer to who we are.
Multiplicity is not a flaw but a feature—allowing us to navigate the complexities of modern life with greater ease and expression. Whitman was ahead of his time in understanding the complexity of the human self. He implores us to explore the depths within, embrace our contradictions, and celebrate our multitude of selves.