Ritmos da Vida

Sometimes life flows like a supermarket visit. All the items you want are readily available. Even a pack of juicy blueberries leisurely leaps into your basket. You’re in and out and swiftly slip back into your day.

If only the rhythm of life was always like this.

But like all dualities, we must be thrown out of whack to appreciate how it feels to be in a groove. Whether the discombobulation is short-lived or feels like months of chaos, it’s in times of unease that we learn about ourselves.

Here are some practices I rely on to help make the road less bumpy.

Play Your Edge

Playing Your Edge Yin session by Sara Klaben Avrahami

I just hosted a retreat in Portugal, where we naturally found our "Ritmos da Vida" (Rhythms of Life). We talked about going to Sintra, a Unesco heritage site, but instead mooched about the buzzing surf village of Ericeira. At one point I was anxious, wondering when we would make time to hang out by the pool, and sure enough, one afternoon behind a blazing sun we gathered for some downtime and good conversation.

We moved through the days and nights much like a flock of birds.

To step outside our comfort zone and mildly overwhelm ourselves, we each explored our ‘edge’. Your edge is where you take calculated risks and embrace the possibility of failure as a route to growth. It often brings flow; that sweet spot between boredom and challenge where magic happens.

I led an a capella session. My willing choir performed, “The Lion’s Sleep’s Tonight’ surprisingly well until one participant went falsetto with, “Wee heeheehee weeoh aweem away” and we all cracked up. I closed my eyes to focus and noticed my palms getting sticky and beats of sweat on my forehead. I must have looked like a tomato.

In playing on this precipice each of us learned to push our boundaries, get our brains firing differently, and trust ourselves. It also helps that syncing together generates good vibes and tightens social bonds.

Go Beyond the Five

Let’s assume your five besties are: three optimists (9/10 peachy worldview), one realist (5/10), and one dabbling with nihilism (3/10).

According to Jim Rohn’s adage, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with,” this would make you a 7/10. An outlook we might dub ‘meh’.

For sure you are influenced by those around you, but it is much more dispersed than the five people that are fortunate to be blessed with your presence in their lives.

Research shows that if a friend becomes obese, you are 45% more likely to gain weight over a few years. A similar study was done with smoking: if your friend smokes you’re 61% more likely to puff, and if your friend’s friend smokes, you're 29% more likely to partake. Another study was done with happiness—you can guess the results.

You are influenced by more than the five people that you associate with. Our social networks are vast and interconnected and shape us in ways we can’t even fathom.

While our world is overly concerned with outputs, it’s your inputs that need tending to. When you change your inputs, you alter your neuroplasticity. Refresh the people you spend time with and you’ll begin to see things differently.

Accept Reality

It sounds simple enough to accept the world for the way it is. But it isn’t always easy. Often we argue with reality trying desperately to bend it to our particular lens. I’m often guilty of doing this and then forced to eat a slice of humble pie.

Often when I’m shedding an old identity and a new one has yet to form, I get tripped up and my sense of self goes haywire. The same places, routines, and relationships don’t feel like ‘me’ anymore. But what does?

My friend says to be patient. With myself? Life will unfold he chimes, and while I feel his reassuring hand rest on my shoulder—I’m still unsure.

Death and rebirth can take time. Following a forest fire, the new growth that sprouts may take months, years, or even centuries. The seeds long since dormant in the ground intuitively know when and how to push through the ashes. But the regeneration happens on the seedling’s timeline, in their unique rhythm with the natural world.

While I understand that embracing the in-between is what’s required, yielding to the emptiness and uncertainty isn’t something I look forward to like my morning coffee.

I tell myself that the unnerving middle passage is a liminal space that is fertile ground for growth. Sometimes this helps.

Navigating transitions is a tricky business but these open-ended times provide an angle of vision on life you can’t get anywhere else. It’s a compilation of such views that produces inner wisdom, declares the author of ‘Transitions,’ William Bridges.

I like to think of this space as composting for the soul—a slow, enriching process to learn how not to struggle and trust the journey. It’s a time to ruthlessly manage your energy and direct attention to what’s right for you.

Because you’ll need a full tank of chutzpah for what’s around the bend.

An Afterthought

The conditions that make waves surfable are particular. There’s the swell, tide, sea-bed floor, and wind for starters. Your board, skill level and the number of surfers in the lineup also add to the equation.

Sometimes a set has five or six waves and other times it’s just two or three. The time intervals between the waves can be quick or slow. All these factors make for a unique concoction—sometimes you find yourself in sync with the sea and at other times you can’t seem to find your flow.

The Ocean will triumph every time if you try to fight it. This is similar to life and the way we get thrown in and out of our groove. When you're wholly aligned and ready, the universe conspires—and you make that appointment with destiny.

So next time you find yourself struggling against the tide, take two deep breaths in and extend your exhale. Then, relax and ride the wave ~